Cheese Halloween Special

Prologue - Debatery
It was about 8:00 PM in the middle of a city. Six people sat inside of a nicely-lit diner at one of the tables. In fact, they were the only people who were actually inside; everyone else had gone home and the diner's owner was nowhere to be seen. One of the guests was female; she was a tan woman stretched across one of the counters, poking a dark-haired man with glasses in the back. An extremely large, bearded man with a massive bulge in his belly and a stain-covered shirt sat atop a demolished wooden chair, but he was large enough to the point that he could look over his table at the massive pumpkin pie in front of him. An orange bag was nearby, though nobody was around to attend to it. Two more men&mdash;one possessing dark hair and a small beard as well as wearing a dark blue longcoat, the other a pale man with short black hair and an equally dark, baggy robe&mdash;sat with the fat man and the man with glasses, though they didn't have any food with them. Instead, the bearded man rested his chin on an unopened Dr. Pepper and the other was leaning over the table, clearly arguing with the fat man. This went on for about ten minutes.

"Anyways, that's why On Stranger Tides is the best one in the series," the fat man declared before picking up the pie in front of him and devouring half of it, including part of the plate it was on. Unfortunately for him, it was apparent that nobody had been listening&mdash;except for the robed man, who carried a look akin to one's IQ dropping.

"How can you live with yourself, Boogie?" the man with glasses asked in a deep, sleepyish voice. He appeared to have donned a black table cloth all over his body to resemble a robe.

"SHAT THE FACK UP, BILL!" the fat man&mdash;Boogie&mdash;shouted, food flying from his mouth in all directions.

"Silence!" Bill responded, shooting upward and knocking his chair away. The girl behind him continued to poke him, prompting him to turn around and catch her hand. "Stupid girl! The Boogie Baby is screaming, yet you continue to place your finger… on me."

"I'll do a lot more than place my finger on you," the girl said, winking at Bill.

"My wand, Walker," Bill muttered.

"Okie!" a voice echoed from the orange bag. Immediately, a suited man with green glasses and fuzzy blue hair rose from it and tossed a short stick to him.

"I'd love to see this wand of yours," the girl continued, poking Bill with her other hand.

"As inspiring as I find your lust, Cher, I must be the one to claim the pussy," Bill replied. He waved the stick at the girl, then began to violently poke her for each time she poked him. This continued for quite a while.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAWLD," screamed Boogie. "WHAT'S YOUR VOOOTE?!"

The bearded man, who had simply been humming a tune quietly to himself, still rested his head on the Dr. Pepper. His eyes&mdash;which had been blankly staring out a window nearby&mdash;shifted in Boogie's direction. He sat up straight. "Bloody sausage! For the last time, my name's Richard!"

"WHAT'S YOUR VOOOTE?!" Boogie repeated.

"Alright… from my understanding, I would have to side with Par on this one," Richard replied. "He made better points about Curse of the Black Pearl, like the soundtrack and the villain and stuff like that. You just summarized On Stranger Tides."

"ARE YOU KIDDIN?" Boogie grunted. "I MADE GREAT POINTS! WERE YA EVEN LISTENING?!"

"Nobody listens to you anymore, Boogie," the pale man, Par, commented. "I just tune you out at this point."

Boogie grumbled and went back to chewing on his pie and the plate accompanying it. Par and Richard got up and went over to a part of the diner where nobody could hear them.

"Why the hell are we stuck with these wankers again?" Par whispered. His voice sounded like a displeased hiss. "Are the higher-ups punishing us for the Cheesemonger debacle or something?"

"I don't even know anymore," Richard groaned. "By now I'm convinced the Cheesemonger debacle was punishment for… it." He shuddered.

"Not that we really have a choice at this point," said Par. "Our services in exchange for favors and the right to hunt down criminals and sausages."

Suddenly, a loud pounding sound accompanied by screams echoed throughout the diner. However, the noise didn't come from the room the group was in; instead, it took place inside the diner's freezer room. Everything went silent for a very brief moment as everyone turned to the door leading to the room.

"Speaking of which…" Richard mumbled.

"Parax! Richard! Have I not spoken to you about keeping our guest quiet?!" Bill shouted. He stared angrily at the two as he and Cher continued to poke each other. By now, they were both wincing in pain every time one of them poked the other, having done it for so long.

"Yeah yeah, we'll get to it," Par replied dismissively. He walked across the dining room, stopped at a cash register, and took some of the money out of it. After emptying the machine, he opened the door to the freezer room, adjusted his robes, and went on in, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Spoken like a true politician," said Bill.

Richard paused for a moment and returned to the table. He picked up the Dr. Pepper he had been resting his chin on earlier and finally opened it. However, instead of the can opening obediently and allowing Richard to take a nice sip, it fizzed and sprayed out into his face.

"How dare you!" Richard exclaimed, covering the top of the can with his mouth to stop the spraying. The rest of the soda went down his throat and Richard removed his mouth from the can. He saw that Boogie was doing his annoying, mind-ripping, innocence-destroying, brain-raping laugh. It was clear that he was the one who was shaking the can when nobody was looking. "Yoooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu…" he paused for a second, shaking his head violently before his voice suddenly began to sound cold and raspy, "…schemer. Introducing a little sausagery, hmm? Upset the calmness of the Dr. Pepper in an attempt to create chaos?"

"I thought you were an agent of chaos, heurgh heurgh heurgh," Boogie giggled.

"And you know the thing about chaos?" Richard asked sarcastically. Suddenly, he tore the can in such a way that the entire metal surface straightened into a sharp strip of metal. "It's fair."

Meanwhile, in the freezer room, Par could hear Boogie shouting in pain and anger as he attended to the lock on one of the freezers. A few seconds later, Richard bolted into the room and slammed the door shut, followed by something large crashing into it from the outside. Boogie's moaning could be heard again. Richard proceeded to wipe his coat with his hands, trying to dry any Dr. Pepper that had sprayed onto it. Par finished with the lock and pulled open the freezer, causing a bald man to collapse onto the floor, shivering. Par and Richard both grabbed the man and flung him onto a table.

"Nobody panics when things go according to plan… even when the plan is horrifying," Richard muttered, leaning over the bald man, who looked up at him in horror. "If I told-"

"Oh, be quiet already!" said Par. He grabbed part of his robe and slapped Richard with it.

"What sort of sick joke is this?!" the bald man finally had the courage to ask. "Come into a man's diner and make a mess out of it, then lock the owner in a freezer?! Who are you?!"

"You too," Par ordered. He grabbed part of his robe and slapped the bald man with it. "Mr. Smith…"

"That's not my name," said the man.

"…Mr. Smith," Par continued, "you stand here&mdash;or lay, rather&mdash;on trial based on the premises that you have committed murder. How do you plea?"

"What?!" the bald man cried. "I don't know what you're talking about! I just run a diner&mdash;that's all!"

"How does the defendant plea?" Par asked Richard.

"Not guilty, by the looks of it," Richard replied.

"One of those cases, then," the pale man sighed. "Where is your attorney?"

"Attorney? What attorney? I don't have one!" shouted the man.

"So you have chosen to represent yourself," said Par. "Very well."

"He looks nervous," Richard commented, taking notes of what was going on. "Is it the cold?"

"Please, I don't know what you are talking about," Mr. Smith insisted. He tried to break out of the handcuffs Par and Richard had put on his wrists and ankles some time ago. This did nothing.

"The defendant pleads not guilty, yet DNA evidence has proven&mdash;without a doubt&mdash;that you have been serving the meat of Janice Nedry, Robert King, Jonathan S-" Par began listing names, but he was cut off.

"No no no, I don't know those people!" said Mr. Smith. "Whoever killed them wasn't me!"

"Ah, someone else named Mr. Smith!" Par muttered. He turned to Richard. "You brought me the wrong wastrel! Find the proper one and dispose of this impostor!"

"It's a funny world we live in," Richard laughed. "When the chips are down… these, uh… 'civilized' people… they'll eat each other." He flicked his wrist and a small pistol shot out of his coat sleeve, landing in his hand. He then brought it down to the bald man's head.

"Okay, okay, I did it!" Smith cried out. "Business was going downhill and I couldn't afford regular meat. You understand, right? A man has to do what he can to provide!"

"Remember the last time you lied to us?" Par asked. Suddenly, a moth emerged from Smith's ear, crawled across his face, and inserted itself into the man's nose. Smith twitched and stopped talking. "No matter what excuse you come up with, we know you kept doing it because you liked it."

"You made six people die," Richard retorted, drawing a creepy grin. "Even to a guy like me, that's cold."

"The cases have been presented. The prosecution and defense have given their sides of the story," said Par. "What is the jury's finding?"

"Guilty," said Richard.

"Guilty," said Par.

"You're not going to kill me, are you?" asked Smith in a panicked, rushed tone. "That'd be oddly hypocritical…"

"Oh, I'm not gonna kill ya," Richard stated, putting the pistol away in favor of a knife in his pocket. "I'm just gonna hurt ya really… really, bad."

"No playing with my food!" Par exclaimed, grabbing Richard's arm as he prepared to bring the knife down to Smith's mouth. "I won't have this man's blood splashed all over this place."

"Fine, but never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy," said Richard. He put his knife away and-

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Bill's voice sounded throughout the diner. Richard quickly peered through the circular window in the door to see him chasing Cher around the place. "You will be driven out of this diner by the mere memory of me!"

"Aaauuurgh…" Richard growled opening the door and slamming it behind him as he left the room. "Would you please just give us a minute?!"

Richard was forced to spend the next half hour or so quelling the madness of the rest of the group. After some time, Par emerged from the freezer room carrying a plastic shopping bag filled with large thermoses; nobody bothered to ask him what was in them. Instead, the six left the building and approached a large, pink van that had the words "24 Hour Calculus" written on the side in bright green. They proceeded to load up into the vehicle, with Boogie, Bill, Richard, and Par in the back, while Walker stood near the door to the driver's seat, gazing at his feet. Cher sat in the passenger seat and giggled at her phone.

"Well, go on then," said Par, peeking his head out of the back. Walker was still standing there solemnly.

"It's just not the same without Dent," Walker sighed.

"Think about it later, now drive, you fookin sausage!" Richard commanded.

After a few more moments, Walker complied and got into the driver's seat. He started up the car and looked over to Cher, annoyed that she was in Dent's spot.

"Take a picture&mdash;it'll last longer," said Cher. She looked up from her phone to wink, then went back to whatever she was doing.

Walker sighed and pulled the van out of the diner's parking lot. The vehicle headed on down the road into the darkness of the night, driving out of the city and away from civilization. Soon enough, everybody fell asleep&mdash;except for Par and Walker. After twenty or so minutes of driving, the Kinkmobile pulled into a squiggly driveway and stopped outside of… a rather odd building. One half of the structure seemed to possess a fancy, 19th century style to it, while the other resembled a demonic castle of sorts. A staircase led into the middle, keeping the same split in style to it; half retained a fancy hardwood look to it, and half was made of dark stone. Par stood up firmly and exited the vehicle, waving a donut he stole from the diner in front of Boogie's face.

"Mhrmmph, foooooood," the fat man mumbled sleepily, his face following the donut. Soon enough, he began to crawl across the floor of the Kinkmobile in an attempt to keep up with the smell of food. The van suddenly tipped on its back as Boogie made his way out of it, causing everyone to jolt awake. They were too late, however, as they began to roll out of the vehicle. Cher and Walker were the only ones who were unaffected, as they were in the front seats and simply fell back into them.

"BY MY BROTHER'S PENIS!" Bill shouted, now in his Loki persona.

"Goddamn Boogie Baby!" Richard likewise exclaimed. He leapt to his feet and produced his pistol again, holding it up to Boogie's mouth. "You wanna eat something so badly?! How 'bout a bullet!"

"How 'bout I ram your mother in the butt?" Boogie responded.

"I really don't see what the fuss is all about," muttered Bill. He broke a long stick off of a nearby tree and dug at it with his fingernails, carving the head to split into two ends. "See you in Hell, monster!" He immediately jabbed Boogie in the chest with the stick, but the devourer and consumer of all things simply hit him with his belly, knocking him away.

"Touch mah food and I'll kill you," said Boogie. "Even better, I'll eat you!"

"Nice to see you too, Boogie…"

"Shut it!" Par ordered. He wrestled the stick out of Bill's hands and pointed it at him and Boogie. "Now, we're preparing a nice Halloween party, and if anyone wants to be a nuisance, I'm taking you to the Mothman's nest."

"Show me this 'nest' of yours," Cher commented. She immediately began to be a nuisance by poking Par in the face. He immediately began waving the stick at her to ward her off before tossing it back to Bill. Without another word, the group proceeded to the front door of the building; Par and Richard each inserted a key into the locks stationed next to each other, unlocked the doors, and the group went on in.

Chapter 1 - The Party
It took about an hour or so, but the group eventually went through most of the boxes of Halloween decorations stored in the strangely large amounts of closets inside the building. The place was set up to resemble your typical haunted house, complete with jack o'lanterns, ominous music, and animatronics. A few of the decorations appeared to be sculpted out of twist ties, often resembling hulking, armored knights, demons, and skeletons reaching out of the ceiling at whoever happened to be looking up at them.

"Parax continues to bring me new friends! How thoughtful," said Bill, examining the sculptures as Par continued to stick more of them into various places. In time, several of the rooms were completely covered in an assortment of frightening creatures reaching out of the walls and ceiling.

"PAAAAAAAAAAAAHR!" Boogie shouted, stampeding through the building. "WHERE'S THE FOOOOOOD?!"

"It's over in the corner, Boogie," replied Par, pointing to several boxes.

Boogie immediately charged for the boxes and lunged forward with his mouth open. However, the boxes simply flattened as he collided with them&mdash;no food was released. Suddenly, several of the sculptures fell down onto him and began poking and prodding him with their claws and swords; Boogie had fallen into a trap. He desperately tried to fight them off, but the more he struggled, the more traps he triggered, causing more and more sculptures to descend upon him. Eventually, he was entwined in the arms, swords, and teeth of the creations, unable to move. Desperate, Boogie did the only thing he knew to do: eat. He began biting at the sculptures in an attempt to free himself and sate his appetite… this did nothing.

"Eat a diiiiick!" Boogie cried out. Every time he bit into one of them, a sculpture that had its claws in his hair pulled him back, causing him to be scratched by the others. He was effectively trapped.

"There, now I can keep a close eye on you," said Par. He left the room with another box of decorations.

"Look at you. The mighty Boogie, with all your hunger! And what good does it do you now? Do you hear me, Boogie Baby? There's nothing you can do!" Bill gloated. He sifted through the closet Par was just at and took from it a green jacket, which he put on with the black tablecloth around his body.

"Shat the fack up, Bill!" Boogie shouted.

"Perhaps you have weakened in your many years of eating, Devourer," Bill remarked again. With that, he turned around and trotted down one of the hallways.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Walker was busy marching around, his knees weakly shooting upwards with each step. He seemed too preoccupied with whatever was on his mind to help out with the decorating; instead, he opted for examining the various odd items throughout the room. A statue of a black creature resembling a cross between a moth and a man, a deerstalker hat, several polished, golden forks embedded in the wall, and many other strange things that even the walker of all the lands was surprised to see. It was not until he reached out to place his hand on a glass casing containing a dark chocolate carving of Batman that the somber peace and quiet ended.

"ARRRRRRRRRNT!" Richard's voice boomed throughout the living room. Walker turned around to see him standing in the entrance to the dining room, cracking his knuckles. "You defiled my chocolate..."

"Dowut?" Walker asked after a long pause. He still had his hand on the casing, unable to take it off due to being frozen with shock.

"Do you understand what you've done?!" Richard pointed at the chocolate Batman, his expression slowly growing more and more furious. Suddenly, he reached to the side and pulled an orange flyswatter out from under a nearby couch's cushions. Then, he strolled over to a record player and activated it; music could be heard, and though Walker didn't recognize it, he could tell it was a classical piece. "Ah... Dance of the Knights... one of my absolute favorites."

"What's the flyswatter for?" Walker asked, slowly scooching to the side towards another doorway.

"Come over here and I'll show you," Richard replied calmly. "The guardian demands a sacrifice in blood." He lunged forward with the flyswatter raised, leaping over the furniture and swatting Walker on the arm with it. In an attempt to defend himself, Walker opened his orange man-purse and swung it at Richard like a flail; he managed to jump to the side and avoid the attack, but was surprised when a cannonball came flying out, zooming by his face and striking a pumpkin, effectively demolishing it. Richard looked in horror at the mess for a moment, then turned back around to strike Walker again... but stopped when he saw the chocolate Batman out of its casing and held up to his face.

"No more!" Walker exclaimed, keeping the chocolate Batman in front of Richard. He made sure that wherever the flyswatter went, the carving followed.

"How DARE you raise my food against me!" he suddenly shouted. He immediately swatted Walker on the thigh with his weapon, causing him to flee, zipping through the hallways, his knees still shooting up with each step and the chocolate Batman in hand. Richard simply stood there, counting to himself and listening to the footsteps. "One-ah, two-ah, three-ah..." This continued for some time, until... "TEN-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" And with that, Richard charged out of the room, following the path that he could hear Walker taking.

The small, ten-foot room was completely pitch black&mdash;save for the bright light coming from the monitor of a single computer. Video game covers littered the floor, as well as countless twist ties. Cher sat in the black leather swivel chair, typing away loudly and rapidly on the red-glowing keyboard. Apparently, she had gotten into Par's computer room and began playing on his version of Skyrim.

"So that's what it looks like..." Cher mumbled to herself. Suddenly, someone started shouting out of the headset she was wearing. "Yeah yeah, just a sec." She paused the game and alt-tabbed onto Star Wars: The Old Republic. She appeared to be in the middle of a Heroic match; the group was clearly not getting far. "No wonder Hermit's so bitter."

Cher continued to play, switching between games constantly until a pale hand came out of the shadows and grabbed onto the right side of her head, its fingers spreading across her face. A growling sound could be heard, and a voice angrily hissed, "Wankerrrrrr..."

"Is your account cursed with attracting retarded players or something?" she asked nonchalantly. "It seems that every match I'm in is filled with people not knowing what they're doing."

"Blame the xp boost," Par sighed. "Ever since people have been going from level 10 to level 60 overnight, we've been getting swarmed with them. The bloodline has grown weak... DECADENT! Doesn't help that they're adding an instant level-up to 60." He paused, remembering that Cher was still on his computer. Then he looked down at the taskbar and saw the Skyrim icon. "Get off that!"

"I like to 'get off' all the time," Cher replied. Par was silent, so she simply resumed talking. "So, is this that nest you were telling us all about?"

"It's my personal supply of entertainment, and you're not to touch it!" said Par. He pulled her out of the chair, but she grabbed his robes and pulled them over his head before sprinting out of the room. "WANKER!"

As retaliation for Cher's actions, Par pursued her through the house after readjusting his robes. He relentlessly chased after her, refusing to give up despite her constantly putting furniture in the way in an attempt to slow him down. They had to have been at it for about 10 minutes before she went around a corner and tripped over something. Seconds later, Par came around the same corner and, like Cher, tripped over something. It was then that it wasn't something that they had fallen over, but rather someone. When they re-situated themselves, they found Walker on the floor with markings that seemed to have been caused by a flyswatter. Richard was nowhere to be seen, however; instead, an orange bag with a leg and an arm sticking out was on the floor near Walker. The limbs were waving around frantically, with the arm gripping a flyswatter and repeatedly striking a nearby wall, which appeared to have cracks in it by now.

"Would you wankers just cease already?!" Par hissed. He picked up the orange bag and dumped Richard out of it; he was still holding the flyswatter, but now he kept it close to himself.

"He started it," said Walker. "Many-a-time I have dueled formidable opponents, but never have I received a swatting such as this! Even back on-"

"PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHR!" Boog's voice echoed throughout the hallways.

"We'll settle this later," Par mumbled, walking away. Walker returned the chocolate Batman to Richard, who tucked it under one arm and ran off to find the living room. Cher wandered off, playing with a pair of scissors she pickpocketed from Par. About a minute later, everyone heard a loud, "THIEEEEEEEEEEF! WE CURSE IT FOREVER!"

It was now almost 6:00 PM. About a day had passed since the events at the diner and the decorating of Par and Richard's residence. The Halloween party the group had been planning was about to begin. Boogie had been carted off to an area in the basement to prevent him from being a nuisance. Everybody else was in the living room or dining room, socializing with the first few guests&mdash;a variety of people Richard and Par met over the years&mdash;or enjoying the different foods set up around the place. From pumpkin pies to miniature zombies and monsters sculpted out of food, everything was Halloween-styled, and the only lighting the house received came from dim, red lamps the group had placed in different locations.

Ding dong. The doorbell rang; Par immediately zipped out of the dining room, stopping in the middle of a speech describing the different kinds of food everyone was eating. He bumped into Richard on the way, but he did not stop or so much as apologize. Instead, he opened the front door and allowed entry to the people outside&mdash;a couple of sorts.

"Aaaaaaaah... if it isn't Nnam and Chey," Richard greeted the two before Par could say anything. "Or should I say-"

"Don't," said the female member of the couple. She and the man accompanying her removed their shoes and set them on a mat by the door.

"Welcome to the CORE," Par whispered creepily while bowing politely at the same time. He paused, realizing something, then looked up in horror. "Wait a second..."

"You're not in costume!" Richard pointed out, suddenly realizing what was wrong.

"Costume?" the man, Nnam, repeated. "OOH!"

"Did you not read the invitation?!" Par hissed. "It specifically said&mdash;every other line, as a matter of fact, in bold text&mdash;that a costume must be worn!"

"They have violated the dress code!" exclaimed Richard.

"AH! Mr. and Mrs. Nice, come, we've saved you a seat!" Bill yelled from the dining room, peeking his head out the doorway. He was back in his Voldemort persona, having fallen on his head and knocking himself unconscious several times throughout the day. He was no longer wearing the green jacket he stole the day before.

"At least Bill knows how to treat guests," said Chey. She and Nnam walked through the house over to the dining room and pulled up one chair for each of them.

"Bloo-" said Richard.

"Dy," said Par. "FOOKIN..."

"SAUSAGESSSSSSSS!" Richard exclaimed. He promptly threw his can of sprite&mdash;which he raided from Boogie after Par trapped the monstrosity in the basement&mdash;at a random Asian person.

Chapter 2 - The Return
The party had come to an end. The time was now about 1:00 AM, and most of the guests had left the building to get some sleep. For some time, children had come out to the house to ring the doorbell for candy, only to be turned down and shooed away by Richard, who made use of Bill to frighten them off. Cher, on the other hand, had taken up residence in one of the trees outside and gave out gifts to the kids, several of them being rare types of food Par and Richard had acquired. Eventually, the group began to retire to various areas of the house to sleep; Cher randomly clung to the top of a chandelier; Walker locked the doors of the Kinkmobile, put his bag in the front seat, and slept inside of the man-purse while standing guard at the same time; Par went to his room and slept upside-down, hanging from the ceiling; the Nice couple took over the living room. When Richard headed over to his room, he found that Bill was already pacing impatiently outside the door, which was locked.

"...Why are you here?" Bill asked, his back facing Richard. He turned his head slightly to acknowledge him; Bill no longer wore the green jacket or the black tablecloth, instead sporting a chunk of a broken plate covering his mouth and tied to his face by countless twist ties.

"I could ask the same of you," replied Richard.

"Actually, I was asking you," said Bill.

"It's my room, sausage," Richard answered, growing tired of the discussion. "Get out of the fookin' way."

"Do you feel in charge?" asked Bill, slowly stumbling forward with each hand grasping the front part of his shirt.

"Yes, actually. I have the key!" replied Richard, holding up the key to the room.

"Hang it where the world can see," Bill said calmly, then he suddenly lunged forward and threw a punch at Richard. The attack was quickly anticipated and Bill was tugged closer; Richard swerved out of the way as Bill stumbled towards him before throwing himself against the stenchfest and bodyslamming him into a wall nearby. However, Bill seemed to have no problem absorbing this, instead spinning back around, jump-kicking off the wall, and striking Richard on the side of the head.

"SAUSAGE!" Richard exclaimed, falling backwards. He quickly tore several sculptures off the wall and flung them at Bill. The creations immediately hooked onto his makeshift mask and pulled it off; Bill's eyes widened and he looked down in horror, groaning as if he was in pain. Richard took the opportunity to hit Bill several more times, but the latter retaliated by breathing on him. Nearly vomiting from the smell, Richard violently jerked himself away and leaned on one of the walls to avoid falling over.

"Sensations and odors... powerful agents to the unstenched," Bill taunted. He positioned his mask in front of his mouth again and tightened the twist ties around his head to keep it in place. "But we are stenched, aren't we, Richard? Consumers of the Holy Cheese..." Bill raised his armpit and lunged at Richard again, but he quickly regained his balance and caught him, then jabbed him in the chest with the key. "I will show you where I will make my home... whilst preparing to spread stench... then I will stench you."

"Geeeeet OFF ME!" said Richard.

"The room betrays you, because it belongs to me!" declared Bill. He marched towards his target again, but the doorbell rang again. The ground began to shake as well, and the sound of something human-sized falling from the ceiling of Par's room and hitting the floor could be heard. A strange noise&mdash;a cross between a growl and an inhuman screech&mdash;could be heard.

"What the hell was that?!" yelled Richard. "I swear, if it's more of these goddamn trick or treaters, I'm gonna serve them to Par!"

"OOH! OOH! OOOOOOH!" was all they heard from Nnam, who toppled out of the couch he and Chey were sleeping on.

Richard pushed away the advancing Bill before turning back and running down the hallway. He navigated through the house and stomped over to the front door; as he did so, the sound was growing louder, and he realized it was the theme of the Kinkmobile blaring at eardrum-destroying volumes. Infuriated, Richard violently pulled his coat off the rack nearby, put it on, and stormed outside towards the Kinkmobile. He procured his pistol again and fired wildly at the vehicle, but it didn't seem to take any damage.

"Walker! Turn the damn music off!" Par's voice could be heard from his room's window. The self-proclaimed rapist pried the window open and dove through, using the wind and his black robes to glide through the air and land atop the Kinkmobile. The two Brits pounded loudly on the vehicle until Walker's head peaked out from the driver's seat, a look of happiness on his face. Suddenly, the back doors on the van sprung open, prompting the two to investigate; nobody was there.

"SIIIILEEEEEEEEEEENCE!" shouted Richard.

"KONK!" a familiar voice replied, though nobody could tell where it was coming from; it seemed to be everywhere at once. When they looked back at the van, Dent was standing in the back seat, dressed in bright purple and red. Two red spikes stuck out of his clothing's shoulders.

"DENT'S BACK!" Walker announced proudly. He climbed out of the Kinkmobile and hugged the former Kinkmeister.

"I stenched you... How have you come back?" Bill squawked, appearing from the house.

"Indeed," Par agreed. "What happened in the time since we last saw you?"

"Well b@yb@yyyyyyyyyyyys," said Dent. "Remember how I became the Konkmeisterrrrrrrrr?"

"...Yes?" Richard answered.

"Wheeeeeeeelllll, I've been expandin' mah konkbase, bibbeehs." Dent looked back at Bill, who was now closer. He suddenly jumped out of the Kinkmobile and headbutted him, knocking him to the ground, unconscious. "Nothin' personal behbuh, just earnin' some konk for the new and improoooved biybayz." Two scantily-clad women dressed in purple and red emerged from both sides of the van, as if out of thin air, flapped their arms wildly at the unconscious Bill, and put their hands on Dent's shoulders. Each took a yellow glowstick out of the purple, goggled helmets on their heads and held them upright with their free hands.

"We've been at this a long time," Bill's voice sounded out, though it seemed deeper than his other voices. He began to vibrate his entire body awkwardly as he stood up, "but I'm always one step ahead." Bill farted. "I am the new Kinkmeister..."

"More like Stinkmeister, if anything..." Par remarked.

"Konk," was Dent's response. "Mmmmmmm, I need to get this thing upgraded. It is no longer kink... IT IS KONK!"

"...Dent, where did you even come from, anyways?" asked Par.

"I know every nook and cranny in the Kinkmobile, bahbiy," Dent said proudly. "But if ya gots to know, I was all ovah tha world recruitin' konks."

"You traveled the entire world in a matter-" Richard was about to question Dent, but he was cut off.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT!" Boogie's voice sounded throughout the area. Suddenly, the top half of the devourer and consumer of all things burst out of the ground, then he pushed the rest of himself upwards while flailing his legs around rapidly. Boogie rolled out of the hole in the ground that he had just created and rested on his back; he proceeded to pull a banana out of his pants and munch on it.

"Haaaaaaaaiiii baybee," Dent greeted, stroking one of the spikes on his shoulders.

"Nice look," the fat man commented. "Not as nice as-"

"No," Par interrupted.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, let's go insiiide bohbohs," said Dent. He and the others said nothing else; Walker locked the Kinkmobile's doors and followed them back into the house. Nnam made several weird sounds at the sight of Dent, as if he was suffering from both excitement, confusion, and memories of a traumatic experience, then hid behind the couch. Speaking of traumatic experiences, Dent had the biggest one of his life when he looked up at the chandelier Cher was on and saw her watching him intently.

"Uh oh," Richard mumbled, looking at Dent's terrified, wide-eyed expression.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" was the only thing everybody heard coming from Dent. The sound grew more and more shrill and horrified, and when it was over, the Konkmeister appeared to glide through the air out of the room. The sound of a door slamming shut was heard. "KANK! KANK! KANK!"

"Well, that went well," said Cher, grinning mischievously. She resumed sleeping atop the chandelier and said nothing for the next few hours. Meanwhile, Boogie was fishing around his body for something, making loud grumbling sounds.

"WHERE'S THA SPRITE?!" Boogie cried out. As it turned out, his belt was completely missing. Richard and Par looked at each other. "MAH SPRITE IS GAWN!" Suddenly, he turned his gaze towards the two Brits.

"What?" Richard said casually.

"YOU STOLE MAH SPRIIIIIITE!" shouted Boogie. He flung himself at Richard and Par with his arms raised, only to collapse on his face a few feet away from them. to collapse on his face a few feet away from them.