More SW antics

Heaters hummed. Chatter echoed throughout the metal hallways. Blue and red lights lit up the inside of the Union flagship. Hard, metal boots clanked against the floors of the nearly empty corridors as an armored, caped figure traversed the ship. He checked every single square inch of the thing, and would occasionally stand absolutely still, listening carefully, and as if he heard something, shot off in whatever direction he thought it came from to investigate. Be it his mind playing tricks on him or crewmembers engaging in certain activities in what they believed to be the most private parts of the ship, nothing would get by Lord Tsoro.

As one of the many right-hand men to the Dark Lord Goldvanius himself, it was Tsoro's task to personally inspect the entirety of the ship. Anybody else who was allowed onto the ship was to do the same, with every single aspect of the cruiser being examined numerous times by different people. This would continue until the rest of the Union&mdash;the cabal "Umbra", composed of many different societies&mdash;had arrived to discuss the ongoing issues and actions to take. This meeting was to be kept a secret to all outside of Umbra, and anything or anyone deemed unworthy or threatening was to be destroyed. Not ejected out of an airlock or thrown into a metal box and stored away somewhere&mdash;destroyed. Erased from existence.

Tsoro heard the sound of something metal clattering to the floor nearby. Immediately, the Sith Lord drew both of his lightsabers and ignited them&mdash;one producing a glowing red blade of light on either end, and the other on only one. Tsoro promptly flung himself in the direction of the noise, bolting down the hallways at an inhuman speed, passing by room after room until he transitioned into the medical bay. Using the Force to slide open all of the doors in the sector, Tsoro saw something out of the corner of his eye and shot towards it. He readied his blades and nearly brought them down, at least until he realized what the source of the noise was.

"Steady, steady..." muttered a man in a black, hooded longcoat. He was carefully examining a chunk of rock, which also possessed a slight yellow hint to it. He sighed as he looked up and made eye contact with Tsoro&mdash;or tried to, considering the latter wore a demonic mask. "Perhaps your master should have consulted me before he created you. I would have advised adding a few sedatives to the G.O.L.D.I.U.M. serum."

"And perhaps you should have consulted me before you decided to go to the medical bay, Narbix," Tsoro retorted, putting his lightsabers away. "We're here to check security, not play with Lord Vanius's collection." He promptly swiped the stone off the table between him and Narbix with the claws of his gauntlets.

"So touchy, Goldium," replied Narbix. "Touchy and paranoid... It doesn't matter, anyways&mdash;I've already upped the ship's security by 19% since I got here. Alarms should be more effective, surveillance clearer, that sort of thing."

"It's Tsoro," the Sith growled, tapping the claws of his other hand on the table, "and it goes beyond that. This meeting must go by secretly and without trouble. It requires a more personal approach than just cameras and alarms."

"If you believe that is so, then by all means, examine the ship as precisely as you so wish," said Narbix, smirking under his hood at Tsoro. "I have more important things on my mind. For example, the stone, which I would very much like back."

"The stone belongs to Lord Goldvanius's personal collection, and you are not to touch it," Tsoro retorted. "And if you want to stay aboard this ship, you'll do well to cooperate and contribute."

Tsoro reached forward with one of his clawed hands and grabbed at Narbix in an attempt to drag him out of the medical bay with him, only for the hand to phase right through.

"How's that?" Narbix asked, grinning. "You should've noticed from the absence of my mask lying around that I clearly couldn't have been here. You also should've sensed that I wasn't here, but, like all Sith, you were busy threatening me."

"Since when does a hologram look so realistic?!" Tsoro demanded to know.

"Just another one of my creations," replied the tech-savvy medic. "When you make a lot of enemies, sometimes force can't do what cunning can, et cetera and so on. You know I hate rambling. Ta-ta." The hologram flickered off, leaving a small, spherical droid of sorts floating around aimlessly. The Sith seized the droid in one hand, deactivating it and stuffing it into one of the concealed pockets in his armored robes. It may just come in handy at some point in the future, with this kind of holographic technology. Perhaps he could even consult Narbix for more. That would have to wait, however; the ship still needed further investigating, and Tsoro wasn't going to let this minor incident get in the way of that. Narbix was no threat&mdash;he just liked annoying the others.

The Sith resumed his journey through the flagship's hallways, going about his usual business of inspecting every single square inch as he awaited the arrival of the others. Soon enough, he passed by the ship's bridge, carefully watching the crewmembers wandering about, inputting commands and providing updates with what was going on around the ship and things of that nature that a ship's crew would do. After letting out a huff of air, Tsoro marched on and approached the elevator to the officers' deck, a private section reserved only for highest-ranking members of Umbra, be it Darth Goldvanius of the falsely "disbanded" League of Shadows, Darth Rogue of the Masked Sith, or Mizael of the Barians. This was to be the meeting room for those Tsoro had been preparing the ship for, and as such required the most scrupulous examining.

Tsoro set the stone down on the meeting table to avoid dropping it, then began to check every single detail of the room for anything out of the ordinary. It took him about an hour of intense focusing before he heard the sound of something being briefly scraped against metal&mdash;the sound of an item being rubbed against a surface as it's being picked up&mdash;followed by loud footsteps getting quieter and quieter.

"Narbix, get back here!" Tsoro shouted angrily as he sprinted out of the room after the thief. He wanted to prepare the ship as cautiously as possible, but his devotion to Goldvanius was greater; he wasn't going to let Narbix steal from his master. He rounded the corner of one of the passageways as the elevator door shut, followed by the hum of it descending to the bridge level. Reaching out with the Force&mdash;and both his hands&mdash;Tsoro pried the blast doors open and jumped down the shaft, landing on the roof of the elevator with a loud thud. He promptly tore the hatch door off its hinges with the Force and jumped into the elevator, but there was no one there. Looking up as he sensed a presence and heard the footsteps again, Tsoro shot out of the elevator through its open door and headed for the bridge in pursuit of Narbix.

He came around another corner and ended up in the hallway that connected the bridge, upper floor escape pods, officer's deck elevator, and general elevator, spotting a figure sprinting off to the room containing the escape pods. Narbix was trying to escape! Tsoro knew the damn traitor couldn't be trusted&mdash;what more could have he expected from someone who used to work for Erebus? No matter, it wasn't like he was going to escape anyways; Narbix wasn't a Force-sensitive, which meant he wouldn't be able to stop himself from being picked up with the Force and dragged kicking and screaming back to Tsoro's feet.

And so the Sith reached out with the Force and envisioned himself pulling the fleeing thief towards him. He pictured invisible forces seizing him by the ankles and flipping him face-first onto the floor. He ignited his lightsaber with his other hand and prepared to skewer Narbix.

But nothing happened. The figure continued running, passing through the central room that connected everything on the deck and continuing his way towards the escape pods. But when all seemed lost, the blast doors to the escape pod room slid shut with a loud hissing sound. The figure slammed into the door and bounced off, turning around to face Tsoro for a brief moment. A voice came over the comms.

"Sorry about the delay, Goldium." It was the voice of Narbix! "You know, your systems are actually not that hard to crack." The figure's head shot to the side and immediately he went for the main elevator. If he got down to the lower levels, he could disappear into the vast labyrinth of the ship's corridors until he found another way out. "Uh-uh," was Narbix's input as the doors to the elevator slid shut as well. "Go get him, Goldium."

The Sith would've smirked, but if he did, only he would've known what was going on behind that demonic mask of his. However, he was more confused instead; who was this? Was this just another one of the Agent of Chaos's pranks? Not likely&mdash;the figure seemed too bulky, even from a distance. Speaking of which, the thief had taken a turn into the bridge, narrowly avoiding the closing doors. Narbix appropriately opened them for Tsoro to get through and pursue the intruder. By the time he was in the bridge, however, it seemed that nobody was there. Even the crew who had been issuing commands were missing.

Tsoro activated the other end of his double-bladed lightsaber as he cautiously proceeded through the control room. Whoever was doing this wasn't going to escape from him now&mdash;the doors were sealed, and any attempt to get through would be detected immediately.

"And to think you were saying I wasn't helping with security earlier," Narbix commented over the comms, letting out a low chuckle.

"If you're so useful, perhaps you can tell me what you've got on the cameras," Tsoro replied. He scanned his surroundings.

There was a long pause. "...Admittedly, the cameras don't have all the angles covered. He's somewhere in there though&mdash;that's a plus!"

"Aaaaurgh, mediocre!" Tsoro exclaimed. Suddenly, he heard a faint beeping sound to the right, behind one of the large computers off to the side.

"Sir, I have the-aaagh!"

Before the man speaking could finish talking over his communication device, Tsoro had already made his way around the computer and blasted it out of his hand. He then spun his lightsaber in an attempt to disorient the intruder before thrusting forward. However, the figure had already anticipated this, as he blocked it with his own weapon&mdash;a metallic mace of sorts, with the blades on the end of it retracting and being kept in close proximity to the weapon by bright yellowish-orange energy. The figure struck Tsoro by the side of his head with his armored hand, letting out a loud clang as the latter jerked to the side. As Tsoro swung his weapon again at his opponent, he found that the intended target had already leaped out of the way, going over the top of the computer and landing on the other side.

Tsoro pulled out the hologram droid Narbix built and activated it, setting it to mimic him. When the deed was done, the holographic Tsoro jumped up onto the top of the computer before hopping off towards the intruder, who evaded the attack and backed away in an attempt to get more room and scan the Sith Lord. Likewise, Tsoro scanned his opponent from the safety of his Force Cloak ability, rendering him invisible to the naked eye. He carefully watched the man, whom he found to be clad in yellow and black heavy armor. A long, black cape hung from his shoulder pads to the floor, and he sported a large, brownish-yellow helmet that covered most of his face. However, yellow skin and dark eyes carrying a look of surprise and determination could be seen through the sockets for his mouth and eyes.

"What... are you?"

It took the man a moment to respond. "I am the Colonel," was the response he made in his deep, attentive-sounding voice.

"Of what?" Tsoro asked, confused.

"Something far grander than consumers such as yourself."

Tsoro didn't even bother to ask for clarification. Whoever this was, he didn't belong here, and as such, he had to be eradicated. He lunged forward with his lightsaber held upright, swinging it to the side and spinning once as the Colonel swiftly made a move to block the attack with his mace. However, the weapon simply phased through the hologram, but by the time the Colonel realized his mistake, Tsoro appeared to come out of thin air and slashed at his target. Again, the Colonel made an evasive maneuver, but the beam of the lightsaber managed to make a clean cut across his chest. Again Tsoro went in to attack, but the Colonel blocked each attack with his mace. After a few moments, he closed in again, jabbing downwards at the warrior's feet. Just as quickly as the move was made, the Colonel sidestepped the attack and struck Tsoro over the side of the head with his mace, the blades carving into his helmet.

"Oooh, do you know how much it cost to paint that thing?!" Narbix's voice echoed throughout the room again. "Goldium, please try not to damage his organs."

"What do you want me to damage, then?!" Tsoro asked rhetorically.

"Uh... aim for the throat? Genitals? Something like that?"

Tsoro wasn't even going to bother with the request. He quickly jumped away from the Colonel and seemingly disappeared, using the Force to cloak himself and become invisible to the naked eye. The Colonel looked around with the same expression of determination and attentiveness, slowly making steps around the control room as he anticipated the next attack of his opponent. Meanwhile, Tsoro quietly circled the warrior, trying to determine a proper course of action to take him down. It wasn't normal for him to have to put this much calculation into taking down his opponents&mdash;Goldvanius had taught him to neutralize them in mere seconds. The very thought of someone lasting this long presented both an interesting challenge and a serious physical threat. Still, he managed to come up with a strategy that he was confident would work; he got close to the Colonel and used the Force to seize his mind, putting him in a great deal of mental pain. The Colonel hunched over, grunting as he tried to retain his posture. Then it hit him. Tsoro's crimson blade faded back into reality along with its wielder, who promptly thrust the weapon forward into the Colonel's torso.

"Consumer!" the man shouted as he suddenly broke free of Tsoro's hold on him. He quickly swerved to the side, but it wasn't enough time to save him from getting impaled through the right side of his body. Resiliently, the Colonel spun around to meet his opponent, going on the offensive and swinging his mace at Tsoro over and over, experimenting with different types of moves which were all blocked by the Sith Lord. However, what Tsoro did not expect was for the Colonel to suddenly thrust an open hand forward, sending him flying through the air into a nearby control panel. He rolled off it, but before he could make another move, the Colonel struck him on the head again with his mace. He promptly removed the small stone from his pocket and examined it. "The Gouda Stone has been recovered."

The Colonel raised his mace and prepared to hit Tsoro again with it&mdash;this time a killing blow&mdash;but a blue blaster bolt tore through the air and hit the wound Tsoro gave him, sending a burning pain throughout his body. As the Colonel reeled back in pain, the lights in the room went out. What little light the bridge received from the nearby stars went out as the observation windows were sealed off by their anti-vacuum covers.

"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." a dry voice mock-laughed. A set of footsteps could be heard. "Ho, hee-hee, aha-ho-hee-ha-haaaaa. And I thought my aim was bad."

"The shot was to incapacitate him, not kill him," replied another voice, which sounded deeper than the previous, and had a slight Imperial accent. It also seemed to be spoken through a mask, or something covering the speaker's face or mouth. "We need to know how he managed to get here, and if there are more aboard."

"Gonna have to side with Order on this one," said Narbix.

"Oh, of course you would," muttered the dry voice. "You need to agree now, but when you don't... you'll-"

"Quiet, Chaos," the deeper voice&mdash;identified as Order&mdash;commanded. "And turn the damn lights on, Narbix."

"Wasn't me."

"Look, I know some of you might be a little uncomfortable having to do this in the dark, but don't worry!" Chaos commented before laughing hysterically. "You may even enjoy it! I know I will."

"Chaos, the lights!" Order insisted.

"WHY SO SERIOUS?!" Chaos cackled. "Fine, gotta do everything yourself, don't we?" The lights came on.

"Got my sights on the intruder&mdash;he's down," said Order, the scope of his rifle up to his black, featureless mask. He was perched on a nearby computer screen almost as high up as the ceiling; how he got up there was a mystery. Dark grey and black body armor with patches of dark blue covered him from head to toe, and a few sparks lit up parts of his armor every now and then. The second figure to enter the room wore a purple suit with a green undershirt, and&mdash;unlike his counterpart&mdash;he wore no mask. Instead, he allowed the Colonel to get a good look of his pale face and messy green hair. His eyes were sunken with black circles around them, and two scars stretched from the sides of his mouth into a smile.

"Colonel... Coooooloneeeeelllllll," the creepy pale man chuckled, approaching the wounded warrior. He strapped his blaster rifle to his back as he got closer. "Can you heeeeeeeaaar me, Colonel?"

"Bullswisser..." the Colonel muttered. He tried to reach for his mace, which he had dropped when he was shot, but another bolt fired from Order struck the area between his hand and the weapon. The Colonel naturally recoiled and ceased his attempts.

"Now, if only we had someone strong enough to carry him," said Chaos, turning to look at Order. "Are you sure he has to be in one piece?"

"Use your imagination," replied Order.

"Well, don't mind if I do!" Chaos laughed, drawing a vibroknife.

"Intact, Chaos!" Order ordered.

"Ohhhh, you're so boring sometimes!" Chaos commented. He seized the Colonel and lifted him to his feet. "Nowwww, you're coming with meeee."

As he said this, the Colonel promptly kneed the pale man in the groin and used him as a human shield, stopping Order from firing again. Chaos simply laughed hysterically as the warrior picked up his mace and shoved him away, blocking the next shot from Order with his weapon and making a run for the blast doors. All that mattered now was getting to an escape pod. Maybe he could cut through the doors or force them open. After all, he now had one of Tsoro's lightsabers along with his mace.

Chaos was simply laughing aloud to himself as he held a knife against the Colonel's throat, interrupting his thoughts and standing in the way of Order's shot. "You got a little fight in you... I like that!" He sniffed the air and grinned. "Cheeeeese."

"Consumer," was the Colonel's response. He quickly jumped away from the knife and swung both Tsoro's lightsaber and his mace at him, though it was obvious he wasn't used to wielding the former; his handling was clumsy, as he was better with weapons carrying more weight than a handle with a weightless energy blade. He couldn't "feel" the blade moving around, or how close it was to him or his target, and so he gave up trying to use it and simply clipped it to his belt.

Meanwhile, Chaos had flung his vibroblade at the Colonel, letting out a "WOO!" as he did so, then a cackle as it stuck in his gut. The blade's vibration&mdash;and stun shot-esque burst of electricity&mdash;promptly caused the Colonel to kneel down in pain as he pried the weapon out. He held his mace up in time to deflect another shot from Order's sniper rifle, as well as block another knife from Chaos, who growled and giggled at the same time. The pale agent promptly pulled his rifle off his back and began firing wildly with one hand, the recoil causing his aim to be off and widespread. However, numerous shots almost hit the Colonel, and would have if he didn't evade them in time. Still laughing maniacally, Chaos dove at the Colonel and attempted another stabbing, only for the latter to block it with his mace again. Chaos had prepared for this, however, as he promptly shot him in the leg before clubbing him over the head repeatedly with the rifle, causing his helmet to make loud clanging sounds as it shook violently. Every time he struck the Colonel, he would let out another "WOO!" which soon changed into "WOOHEE!"

Another shot pierced the air, tearing through the Colonel's left shoulder. Likewise, Chaos stuck a vibroknife into his opponent, causing him to fall to the ground and twitch spastically.

"Aaah, cheeeeese..." Chaos giggled madly as he ran his knife along part of one of the Colonel's wounds. He extracted a thick, yellow solid&mdash;a piece of him, essentially&mdash;before dropping it to the floor. "All you care about is cheese." The Colonel was about to make another move now that the blade in him had stopped vibrating, but Chaos pointed his rifle to his face, still holding it in one hand. "Ah, tah-tah-tah. I'm only burning my half." He pointed the blaster at the chunk of yellow stuff on the floor and blasted it, disintegrating it.

"NO!" the Colonel screamed in horror, suddenly leaping back to his feet. He deflected another shot from Order before rolling behind Chaos and holding his hand out, sending him flying&mdash;and laughing&mdash;over a railing and down to the lower floor of the control room. He then leaped over the railing after him and brought his mace down onto... nothing. Chaos was nowhere to be seen. The Colonel looked around, his eyes twitching, when a voice next to him whispered to him.

"Miss me?"

Searing pain shot up and down the Colonel's back as another knife stuck in him. The Colonel threw himself back as he caught Chaos by the shirt in his free hand, flinging them both backwards and into a wall. Chaos struck his head on the wall and bounced off, stumbling for a moment.

"Aaaaargh, never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy... he can't feel the next-"

The Colonel clubbed him in the gut with the mace. "The Monger would not approve of this violation of cheese. Bullswiss will only-"

The sound of a blaster shot rang out as Order pressed his sniper rifle to the Colonel's right shoulder and pulled the trigger, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. The point-blank shot knocked the warrior backwards into the wall, and as he jumped forward his helmet slid off and bounced off Order. Now letting out inhuman screams of anger, the Colonel repeatedly flung himself at Order, knocking the barrel of his rifle to the side until the armored agent caught one of his arms and twisted it. An energy blade formed on the wrist, and Order forced it into the Colonel's side. Chaos, laughing as usual, stabbed two more vibroknives into the Colonel, and he went down.

"Aaaaah, youuuu," Chaos chuckled, looking up at Order and clutching one of the wounds the Colonel left on him. "You just couldn't let me go, could you?"

"Take this kolto," Order replied, handing Chaos a canister of the healing liquid. He readied another and began applying it to the Colonel's various wounds. "He needs medical treatment."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAURGH!" the Colonel began shouting in pain and anger. "Your kolto... ghastly! It burns cheese!"

"Here, I have an idea," said Chaos, readying another vibroknife.

"Chaos, what did I say?"

"Oh, I'm not gonna kill him. I'm just gonna hurt him really... really... bad."

"We don't have time for that," Order insisted. "We need him alive and kolto's not helping."

"You have all these rules, and you think they'll save him!" Chaos retorted before laughing hysterically again. Still, he understood the situation at hand, and willingly got down to help Order with the Colonel. The wounded infiltrator began writhing in pain as the agents of Chaos and Order lifted up the Colonel, as well as Tsoro, and dragged them down the halls to the medical center. Whatever they needed, hopefully Narbix could make use of it. They needed to figure out where the Colonel came from, how he got on the ship, and what he was trying to do, besides steal one of the stones from Goldvanius's collection.

''The dark side of burnt cheese is a path to many tastes many would consider... unflavorful.''